This fall brought a full schedule for me, one that I planned and fully agreed to, and it has been steady. Following the retreat that I hosted in late October, I had booked myself into a retreat for the first weekend of November. I have just come off that wonderful 4 days away from all my responsibilities and “to do” lists, where I tuned into myself, nature, a community of like-minded women and my heart, happy to be with a true friend who was leading us. When I arrived and settled in, I chose to pull an oracle card from my new deck, The Council of Horses Oracle. I literally laughed when the message was all about laughter being the best medicine: to invite good-hearted mischief, to laugh at myself and just allow more playfulness. How easy would this be as a focus for my time! In reality, it took some effort.
As my body began to relax and feel comfortable being in this nurturing space, I felt a level of exhaustion and I noticed some of my underlying concerns surfacing. Well, this isn’t what I was hoping for. I even chose to skip out on a group hike Friday afternoon to go back and nap. I felt so torn because I knew I could power through and join the hike, not missing out on any opportunities for lovely conversations and being in nature; however, I allowed myself to listen to my body. The rest of the evening was so good, and I was still aware of this heaviness in my body. The next morning as we gathered and shared what was coming up, my share was around this place of holding 2 seemingly opposing states. I was holding so much gratitude, and yet this grief was present.
My gratitude was easy to identify; my life is filled with so many wonderful things. My family and friends, the work that I do, my hobbies and activities, where I live, the abundance of nature, etc. The grief was not as easy to pinpoint. I know I feel confused about why my body feels depleted, I have some dental concerns right now, and my “to do” list is always growing faster than I can keep up with it. I can look at it logically and try to figure out next steps, but there is something deeper. No matter what all my diagnostic tests show, the answers lie in how I feel. I received some brilliant guidance and questions to ponder. The afternoon included a breathwork session, and I chose to bring my intention forth to just let all my concerns go and trust. It was an incredible session. The combination of speaking my inner voice out to the group and giving myself permission to let it go completely shifted my energy. The cold plunge in the lake to end our day certainly welcomed another level of letting go. Haha.
By the next morning, I was feeling more like my happy and playful self. What a welcome feeling. Like everything, it’s a practice until it becomes my default. My recent default has been to be serious and try to figure everything out. Even my Gene Key profile tells me that to be in my best health, I sometimes need to allow my mind to be confused. All the pieces are coming together. As we ask, we draw in the experiences, people, conversations, messages, etc. that support what we are looking for. Just like magic. This life is a crazy journey, and I’m choosing to welcome in a little more fun and playfulness on a regular basis. Look out friends, one of my totems is the coyote, so that trickster medicine is part of me. I promise to keep it good-hearted.
On that note, I’ll give a plug for a good friend who has been running a free online laughter club every Tuesday morning for the last 6 years. Why not check it out? https://www.cathysclub.com/
Till next month,
Karen
Reiki Master, Biophoton Light Therapist and Enneagram coach, Karen Armstrong has a valuable set of resources to support people on their journey to better understanding themselves and the messages of the mind, body and soul.
